the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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