I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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