A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
