i already hear my dad disowning me
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
