small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
