if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
