I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
