Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
