you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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