none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
