"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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