Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
