So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Text me some of your sweat
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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