I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
