the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
