Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
