She's JV to your varsity
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
