Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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