i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
