Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
