We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
