the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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