the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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