hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
