p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
