They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
