Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
