Kiss
Puke
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
