it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
