the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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