you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
