I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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