she looked like the bat from fern gully.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
