Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this beer tastes like vomit already
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
