dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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