I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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