Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have demons in me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
