Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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