Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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