She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
