Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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