I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
operation have a gay friend backfired
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just want nice things and good sex
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
