oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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