I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
