i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
