I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
