Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I have demons in me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
