Betty ford says i'm here all night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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