She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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