Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Pants are for mortals
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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