I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
