omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
